Routine

It seems we have settled into a bit of a routine. Mornings are the most intense part of the day. We have our food marathon from 6 am until 9 or 10 am. Then Matthew typically goes into food coma mode, and takes a short nap - maybe an hour or so. I usually nap with him, because 6 am is really early for me, and I haven't adjusted to it. Plus, I'm usually exhausted from preparing him so much food! My nap usually lasts longer than his, and I'm thankful that my other kids are not in school right now, so they're able to help.

Then, the rest of the day, Matthew mostly snacks. It's just a lot of snacks. If it was up to him, he'd lay down and watch Spongebob all day, but I try and get him to expand his horizons a little. I encourage him to choose other things to watch (I know major expanding, right?) and I try and get him to do little crafts with me. I have to sit near him, and just start doing a craft, and talking to him about it. Sometimes, he'll join in and help me, and sometimes he won't. When he does, it gets a big smile on his face, though. I usually sit down a couple of times a day and just start reading him a book. Sometimes he asks me to stop, and sometimes, he gains interest and pays attention. I can never get him to choose a book ahead of time, though. Usually, I also sit near him, and just start coloring in a coloring book, and of course talking to him about it. Sometimes, he'll join in, or just tell me what things to color, and what color to use.

The most exciting event of his day is usually the popcorn maker. We have a movie-theater style popcorn maker - of course, it's miniature, but it still makes a good bucket of popcorn. He wants popcorn every day, and he likes to participate in making it. He likes to put the butter in, and the popcorn kernels. When it's getting ready to pop, we sing "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree." He always gets really into it, and smiles a lot. Then he gets excited when the popcorn starts popping. Then, he takes his popcorn and goes back to the couch to lay down.

I talked to the doctor about how lethargic he is, and the doctor said that's normal right now. He is anemic, but not enough for a blood transfusion.

Most days, Matthew doesn't take any more of a nap than the early, short one after breakfast. Sometimes he'll take another one in the afternoon, but usually not. When he's ready for a change in scenery, he moves to another TV. Maybe he'll go to the office, and maybe he'll go to my bedroom. Usually if he goes to my bedroom, it's because he's tired, but doesn't want to sleep quite yet. When he's ready for sleep, he tells me. Then he closes his eyes and sleeps.

He initiates bedtime every night. It seems to be getting a little bit earlier every day. I'm looking forward to the end of induction because I think he'll at least get some energy back, and the hunger from the steroids will stop plaguing him.

The thing that's interesting is that now that we've developed more of a routine, things are less difficult. I think no matter what your lifestyle is, routine is one of the most important things.

People keep telling me that they read this blog, and it breaks their hearts, or they cry. I can see why, but I want you all to know that there have been some amazing and beautiful things that have happened, too.

The Lord has promised He won't give us more trials than we can handle, and when our load gets too heavy, He'll carry it for us. I bear witness to that. I have seen the Atonement work for me in the past when I've realized that my sins from the past had been forgiven. It was beautiful. Now, I'm learning something new about the Atonement. In Gethsemane, Christ suffered all of our pain. Not just the pain from our sins, but all of it. He understands what my son is going through better than I do. He also understands what I'm going through. When this has become too heavy for me, He has lifted my burden. All I have had to do is invite Him in. In the hospital, when it became too much for Matthew to bear, Justin gave him a blessing and the Lord lifted his burden, too. He slept for the rest of the hospital stay. Sometimes, we're pushed right to the edge of what we can bear, and those times make us stronger, but it's important to remember that we're never alone. He is right there, watching, and waiting for us to need him like a parent teaching their child to ride a bike for the first time. We know they may fall and scrape their knees, and we try to prevent that from happening, but if it does, they'll learn something from it and hopefully get back on the bike.

Maybe this cancer is the Lord's way of taking off our training wheels. If Matthew is being made that strong at 3, think of how strong he'll be when he's my age!