A Rough Week

It's been a rough week. Matthew took until at least Thursday to even want to look at food, and he is still not himself. He had the Peg Asparaginase on Friday, which I found out is totally different that any other type of Chemo that he'll get. Most Chemo kills cells, but this is some kind of enzyme. The nurse said it doesn't even make patients nauseous, and they didn't give him anything for nausea. But you have to stay for an hour after the treatment ends to make sure there isn't an allergic reaction.

Matthew's been sleeping in our bed, and he's not sleeping well, which means neither are Justin or I. Lack of sleep makes me a bawl-baby. I hope the people I work with don't judge me too harshly! In seriousness, though, I work with some of the greatest folks I've ever met. They were very kind and understanding, as I had a little breakdown at work on Saturday.

It's hard; the emotional mess this whole thing brings about. But we are plodding ahead as patiently as possible, one day at a time. Sunday was good for me, and I felt my spirits lift, and my outlook changed. I am refreshed now, and ready for more work tonight. Bring it.

I hate steroids. Hate hate hate. Can't say that enough. I hate them worse than Chemo (except Doxorubicin. That stuff is evil!) On top of not feeling good, in general, the steroids make him really emotional. I've been surprised this time, because there have been no food marathons, just a few things that are clearly cravings - like popcorn and pizza with breadsticks. And last time, they made him pretty angry, and this time, he's sad. I think sad is harder. Last Thursday night, he bawled his eyes out for an hour because he wanted to go to my Sister-in-law's house. Finally, I called her, and she invited us over. Thanks, Andrea! You're a life-saver! He was happy as could be once we got there. Yesterday, he waited at the window in our living room for hours for his pre-school teacher to come over. She comes every Wednesday evening, and we could not convince him it wasn't going to happen yesterday. He just patiently waited. We waited with him. At least he didn't have to be alone. Poor baby.

But the last dose of steroids for this pulse is Tuesday morning. One more tonight, and then one in the morning, and we get a week off of the steroids. Then another week on.

If I don't make it back on here before Thanksgiving, I just want to share some of the things I've been reflecting on.

I don't think words can express the gratitude I have this year for so many things I had never really put too much thought into before.

I am so very thankful for doctors. People give doctors a hard time because of money and politics, but the truth is, most of them are in it to help people. That is especially true of doctors who do things like pediatric oncology. Who chooses that as their job, knowing that day in and day out, they will see children suffer? They do it because they're selfless, and they want to make the world a better place for these little ones. I'm sure of it. Yes, they make a lot of money, but you know what? They should. They save lives. Tiny lives. Matthew's doctor has been in pediatric oncology for 20 or 30 years (I can't remember for sure) and if you really think about that, what that means is that she started her career at a time in history when most of the time, the kids died. Thank heavens she persevered through that. Thank you Dr. Afify! You're a lifesaver. For real.

I am also thankful for nurses. They work tirelessly to make people comfortable. They bring food and entertainment, and medicine. They watch and monitor, and help you get through. They often sacrifice of themselves enough to skip breaks and lunches, and they jump through a lot of hoops to make their patients happy. I am especially thankful for the nurses in the oncology clinic at Primary's, and the nurses in the ICS. They are so patient with kids who are so tired of being nursed. They make it livable for the families who are going through the worst nightmare of their lives.

I am thankful for programs like Child Life. They help the kids cope. What a powerful thing! It's hard enough for adults to cope, but kids don't even understand what's happening. They do more than that, though. They help the parents to help the kids to cope. So, we go home with tools to keep up what they started. What a blessing.

I am thankful for my family's overall health. I've been a mother for almost 17 years now, and before Matthew's cancer diagnosis, the worst health problems we had ever seen our children suffer were 2 broken elbows (well - the same one, twice), and two sets of stitches (on the same lip). We have seen 1 flu, and 1 burst eardrum as a result of a raging ear infection. We have also seen a number of seizures, but only one Grand Maul, and the condition was outgrown. At 17 years, with 4 children. Those are pretty good numbers, I think. My children are healthy, and don't require medical intervention in their lives, and for that, I am very grateful.

I'm grateful for service. People have so enthusiastically found ways to provide service for us, in a time when we were in such need. I can never say thank you enough. It has changed the way we look at the world.

Mostly, though, on this Thanksgiving, as I prepare to make my very first Thanksgiving feast (Matthew can't go to the big family shin-digs, because his counts will be down), I am thankful for the life of my son. He is such a blessing to our family. When he came to us, we were complete. I am so thankful that the Lord saw fit to let us keep him!

Happy Thanksgiving, friends and family! Hug your children extra hard this week, and really savor the time you have with them. It's a blessing, every day.